I’m Not Alone!
This pretty much sums up how I’ve been feeling every-freaking-day for the last few weeks/months:
I’ve never been more unsure about everything in the entire universe. I
no longer comprehend what is important in the essence of everything.
All knowledge and understanding I have aquired now all just seems
meaningless and empty. I feel I am completely hopeless. My mind
revolves so much around school and stale concrete fact. I don’t really
have a life. Right now I am just existing, going day to day with what
seems like essentially no purpose or direction. I can’t find my
foundation for thought or reason or action. This is the worst feeling I
have ever had in my entire life. Nothing is important, which in itself
is sigificant for some reason. I think. I don’t know. I feel so
overwhelmed. I feel like I’m trying to wrap my head around life. Do you
know what all is in life? A whole fucking lot. And my mind feels
obligated to figure out every fucking bit of it at the same time. I
feel like I’m trying to wrap a rubber band around a dumptruck. I’ll
either stay frustrated like this, or I’ll somehow keep trying to
stretch until it snaps.
In my case, I don’t think I can even recall a particular point in time when this happened. It feels
like I’ve been in this kind of funk forever. I envy people, like
my wife, who (at least on the surface) seem to have figured out exactly
what life is about, what is important to them, what their goals are,
and what they have to do to get there. I think it’s healthy to
have goals; it gives you purpose and meaning in every action that you
do. Problem is, I just can’t seem to solidify mine.