Making Sh*t Up…

It must be pretty awesome to be someone like Pat Robertson.

You can make the most outlandish, ridiculous, bullshit “predictions” — as if God himself passed on the protip — and then when none of them come true?

“All I can think is that somehow the people of God prayed and God in his mercy spared us.  So did I miss it? Possibly. Or, on the other hand, did God avert it? Possibly.”

Man, that’s awesome.  The logic is infallible!

I mean, where would the world be without a true visionary like Robertson to help guide us through the cloudy morass?  Check out these other truly enlightening predictions:

  • “He told me some things about the election, but I’m not going to say, because some old man on “60 Minutes” would make fun of me, so I’m not going to tell you who the winner’s going to be.” – This is reminiscent of grade school level logic
  • “[T]he Lord was saying there’s going to be violence and chaos in the world.” – Gosh Pat, where would we be without your enlightened wisdom!  The Lord truly hath blessed thee.
  • “[T]he Lord told me [the Iraq War] would be a disaster; well, it has been a disaster” – Hmm…so did President Putin.  You’re not implying…now wait…Putin?  God?  Naaah.
  • Aside from a recession this year, Robertson suggested Wednesday that Americans will be paying much more for gas at the pump as the price of a barrel of oil rises by 50 percent in the coming months. – Pat, by God, you genius…how did I not notice the price of gas going up all this time?!?

Of course, his impeccable history of calling it should be more than enough to convince you by now that Pat has God’s Blackberry on speed dial:

  • In May 2006, Robertson cited God in predicting that “the coasts are going to be lashed by vicious hurricanes this year” and that the Pacific Northwest could see a tsunami.
  • In January 2004, Robertson said, “I really believe I’m hearing from the Lord it’s going to be like a blowout” re-election for President Bush.
  • Robertson acknowledged Wednesday that his prophecy of a nuclear terror attack in 2007 failed to unfold.
  • He also cited information from God when he predicted on a year go that major U.S. cities would be hit by “very serious terrorist attacks” causing “possibly millions” of deaths.

Yeah, it must be pretty awesome to be Pat Robertson; no one will be able to tell when senility sets in – or has it?

You may also like...